Nothing Is Going To Stop Me...Demolition Derby!!!

"Blind people can't drive."

Something that honestly has been something hard for me to come to grips with. I want to be able to do everything that a "normal" person can do, and having something so huge I can't do it actually hard. 

After being able to drive for over a year and what feels like suddenly having that taken from you is hard. I fought like hell to get that license to begin with, so it almost feels like a slap in the face. BUT I  also know that I had an opportunity given to me that most people with a visual impairment never get a chance to do. 

I needed one last shebang before I gave up on the dream of driving again altogether. I had to do the demolition derby again...

I did the demolition derby the year before I started losing a ton of my vision, and had a blast even though I got out as one of the first cars. I have wanted to do it every year since. It really is an adrenaline rush!! So as this years Demolition Derby approached, I called my dad to see if we were building a car to put in for his company. I told him that if the car survived, I was powder puffing it. At that time, I didn't put much thought into it, I just put dibs on the car beforehand. 

After this summer and everything I have done through NFB, the idea just sparked in my head. It took off like a wildfire. I needed to do it. I needed to prove the world wrong, and that even though I had a disability, it was not about to slow me down from doing everything and anything I wanted to do, even if that thing was to go out with a crazy idea to crash a car in an arena full of dirt and other cars. 

The week of the 24th, I called my dad multiple times to make sure I had all of the stuff I needed to do it. I knew that there was a chance I wouldn't be able to due to us having a main heat driver, but I had already set my head and my heart into doing it. I was going to be literally crushed if I couldn't. 

The car was build, the driver was ready, but it wasn't looking promising for me to be able to do it. Our main heat driver Ted had gotten out, and it didn't look like the car would be driving out of that arena. My extended family said sorry, but I had that hope it may work still, I wasn't ready to give up on this dream. 

"Unfortunately, there are electrical issues." My dad told me. I started crying, no joke. I walked away. It didn't look like I was going to be able to do it. "The car drives backwards." At first, I had just given up on the idea. I was mad, I said it was fine and went and sat back down, But after sitting for probably 30 seconds, this wildfire burning in my head just would not let this idea go. I told my dad I would compete backwards.

Our driver told me he was doing everything he could to get it going again, and I started crying. In my heart, I knew it was basically this year or no year. I knew that this year I still trusted my eyes enough to do this, but I'm really not sure where my eyes will be next year because they were different that last year, that I knew if I wanted to do this somewhat safely it would have to be now. 

"Hold my earrings, I'm going in." I took off all my jewelry and headed down to the gate. I hung out down there for a while until I had the paperwork filled out so I could go out to the pits. 

I keep referring to this wildfire burning in my head, but thats the only way to explain it. This idea to show the world I can do whatever I want even though I'm Legally blind. I got to my car, and after getting in (Note to world: don't wear skinny high waisted jeans to derby.) getting my helmet and neck brace on, I was informed they were able to get one forward gear going. I had a chance! 

I somehow passed the seatbelt check (my seatbelt was so messed up beforehand and I was just getting it working as I was literally driving out.) and was in the arena. I said a little prayer and all I could think was oh my god! 

The announcer said go and I was out! After my first hit, my seatbelt came undone! HOLY HECK! THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE GOOD! I wasn't going to pull my flag because of a seatbelt issue! I kept going. 

I did only get to make 3 hits and take a couple hits before my transmission finished dying out, but I wasn't the first car out! I was about the 3rd or 4th!! I was sad though that I got out like that! my car still started, but I couldn't get it to go forward or backwards! ugh!!

At the end, the announcer was informed by I believe my little brother that I was legally blind. He announced it to the audience. I secretly hope someone heard me scream in an arena "I don't need eyes to drive a car." 

I didn't win. I didn't even get third. But I had the chance to drive one last time. Its been two years since I've gotten behind the wheel of a car, and it felt so right being back, almost as if for those 10 minutes, I was normal. Behind that helmet and that big hunk of metal, I was just like everyone else after that same thing. That chance to win. And I was able to prove my point, that I can do whatever I want and my disability isn't about to stop me from living my dreams.

I don't know if there will be a "next time." Maybe my eyes are stable now and my eyes will be the same next year as they are now, or maybe in a years time, I won't have anything left. The not knowing is the hardest thing on me. I knew in my heart though that this may have been my last chance to do this. (although if I go completely blind, I'm so doing it!!) 

I have some pretty lovely bruises from not wearing a seatbelt the rest of the time, and I was pretty sore yesterday. My knee was swollen, but I know it was for a good cause. One day when there is a car that blind people can drive, I will know that this was only for a moment to prove to the world! 

Nothing is going to stand in my way! 

But oh my goodness, I already want to do this again next year!!!

These Last Few Weeks: BELL and NFB Convention.

Oh boy, where to begin! These last few weeks have been filled with some of the most crazy, scary, and fun moments I will hold onto for a lifetime!

I guess I'll start with working the BELL program!
This was my second year as a Junior Mentor for the NFB BELL Program. I spent two weeks having a blast with friends, experiencing a ton of "firsts" in my life, and watching some of the worlds cutest's kids grow in their Braille and blindness skills. Although this was my second year of the BELL Program, this year will stick out in my mind forever. I'm so proud I was able to be apart of the BELL team for two years so far!

NFB National Convention!
Back in May, I was selected to go to Orlando with Project STRIVE to attend the National convention. At first I was so excited, but that excitement quickly turned into fear as Convention approached.
The trip was the mixture of crazy, scary, and amazing all mixed into one week. I'm not going to sugar coat it, I was completely overwhelmed by how big the hotel was when we got there. It was already so late, and there were already so many people there. I wanted to cry! How was I going to meet anyone? How would I find my way around? What was I going to do?! I went to my room on the 13th floor, which already was by far the highest I'd ever gone in a hotel, found my room, and just laid in my hotel bed thinking "what have a gotten myself into?"
My mind was in so many places on this trip. I had so many decisions to still make about my life. I didn't know what to do. As I lose vision, I knew months ago I absolutely needed my training to become successful, but I also knew that there was so much mentally holding me back from knowing what to do. I didn't feel as I even belonged. I felt lost between sighted and blind. I just broke down completely one night. I couldn't stop crying. I'd look at my phone and cry, look out the window and cry, no matter what I did, all I could do was cry. I was confused, scared, lost, and everything was too overwhelming. As I FaceTimed my Friend on the bathroom floor of a hotel room, tears streaming down my face, I finally broke. The emotions I had tried to hide came out. The emotions I hid from them came out in bundles. This trip was making me open a new chapter in the big book of Chelsea's life, and frankly, I was scared to open the chapter of my life. In a moment, I posted on Facebook. I explained how I felt, and laid down and cried over half of the night.
I was having a hard time taking on this adventure. It was more than I thought it was going to be, but with the amazing support of the people we have here in Utah (even past Utahans!) I couldn't have made it through without our whole amazing group of people! (May I just say, our Utah group surely made me proud to be from Utah!)
As the convention came to an end, all we had left was our banquet. It was our chance to get all prettied up and have our last hurrah! We had our change to listen to our president one last time, and see out scholarship winners announced. Deja being as awesome as she is had previously promised Maddy and I that if she got the top scholarship, she would jump in the pool in our banquet dresses with us. When Deja won the top, the next stop after banquet was out to the pool. We had so many people ready to take pictures of us crazy Utah girls jump! We held hands, and jumped at the same time. It brought the best end to the craziness of convention. (That will forever be my favorite memory of convention!) Thanks Deja!
As we said goodbye to the friend we grew to love, we cried as we hugged at hotel room doors and parted ways. I have always hated goodbyes, and not knowing the next time you would see them hurt my heart, but its a comforting feeling knowing you will get to see them again one day. Saying goodbye to others you already knew was even harder, knowing that it'll be a while before you see them.
Monday as we packed up and left the hotel, I couldn't help but feel grateful. Grateful for the opportunity that Utah had just given me. Grateful for the opportunity that Project STRIVE had just given me. My eyes had been opened to the world that at first I didn't feel apart of. I finally felt as though I belonged somewhere. I belonged in the NFB, I found a part of my world I didn't know was missing. NFB opened my eyes to a world that stands for what matters to me, one that makes my blindness perfectly fine, and one where I feel normal. NFB isn't just an organization, NFB is a federation family, a family I am proud to be apart of. I found the hope of a normal future.
LETS GO BUILD A FEDERATION! 75 IN 75!!!

These past few weeks have been a bit of crazy mixed into a world of amazing. I am so beyond grateful for every opportunity I have been given so far in my life. As I tackle this next adventure in my life, I will look back at how much these weeks have made me grow as a person!